A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too!"
Late one night a burgular broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence The burgular continued "Jesus is watching you!" The burgular stopped dead. Frantically he looked all around. In a dark corner he spotted a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" Yes, said the parrot The burgular breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot "What's your name?" "Clarence," Said the bird. "That is a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burgular. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rotweiller, Jesus."[an error occurred while processing this directive]
The British Columbia Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever uses liver and cheese in the best sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie says, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone......cheese mine".
Dog Breeds that did not make it: Deerhound + Terrier Derriere, a dog that's true to the end Spitz + Chow Chow Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries Great Pyrenees + Dachshund Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso Peekasso, an abstract dog Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Newfoundland + Basset Hound Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Terrier + Bulldog Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes Bloodhound + Labrador Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly Malamute + Pointer Moot Point, owned by...oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway Collie + Malamute Commute, a dog that travels to work with you Bloodhound + Borzoi Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun Pointer + Setter Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
The Top 15 Dishes Prepared with Household Pets 15> Angelfish Cake 14> Hamster and Cheese on Rye 13> Chow Chow Mein 12> Bran Muffy 11> Eggs BenjiDict 10> Yorkieshire pudding 9> Shih-Tzu Kabobs 8> Potbelly Pig in a Blanket 7> Shrimp Cockatiel 6> Fettucine AlFido 5> Chicken Poodle Soup 4> Turtlellini 3> Lhasa Thermidor 2> Rex-Mex Enchihuahuas and TopFive.com's Number 1 Dish Prepared with Household Pets... 1> I'll-Teach-You-to-Piss-On-My-Pillow Persian Pancakes
Property Laws According to Dogs 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If it's broken, it's yours.